“Well, that was fun…”

I said, bolting upright, after six hours spent writhing, screeching, sobbing, spitting and laughing in the grips of a double heroic dose.

And so it was that I started the Scorpio/eclipse season with a multidimensional bang.

How was your eclipse, Superstar? Any high magic, deep synchronicities or quantum leaps to report? Send me your skinnies here.

Okay, back to the writhing and and the screeching…

It all started with the herd of flaming scorpions having epileptic seizures in my hip joint. Neither acupuncture nor chiropractic were doing dick to quell the agony, and so I sought the support of G, a gong healer.

After our session, G told me she saw an Egyptian goddess pulling black entrails from my hip, and recommended a psilocybin journey – a big one.

Terence McKenna called five grams a heroic dose. Ten is considered pretty mega. When G suggested a 10-gram journey, my intellect said, “That’s fucking insane,” while my gut was a resounding YES.

I meditated on it a lot before the journey. I fasted for six days. I listened to Kalindi lyi talks on high dose trips. I consulted my psychonaut friends. None had taken more than five grams, and a few tried to talk me out of it.

“It’s not up to me,” I explained. “The mushrooms will tell me how much to take.”

I always defer to the medicine on these matters. I don’t decide to do a journey because my ego or my intellect want to. I respond to medicine’s clear invitations when they arrive – usually, begrudgingly, and then follow their lead.

I’d asked my pendulum twice that morning, and gotten two clear Yeses, so I wasn’t super surprised when the mushrooms themselves confirmed that yes, I was to take 10 grams.

Of course it was epic, and I’m not going to go into the details here. I will share that the pain in my hip is gone. Like, totally gone. So, that was pretty cool.

The other piece I’ll share was a mid-trip dalliance with the 28th Gene Key. The 28th Gene Key holds the darkest coding of all the Keys. It’s a mythic key, marked by the hero’s journey, iterated over and over and over again throughout the lifetime of she who carries this key, and its dark shadowy coding. I happen to have it in my Radiance sphere, which codes for health and physiology.

There was a point in my journey where I was being shown the copious amounts of hatred and ugliness being smeared upon me by former friends and family and colleagues back in Los Angeles. I spent the next (I have no idea how many) minutes (but, it seemed like it was in the 15-15,000 range) forgiving them, and loving them, and forgiving some more.

If that’s the role you need me to play in your life, I’ll play it, I said to a fractalized group of East side hipsters. I love you enough to be that for you. I forgive you. I forgive you.

As an aspect of me sobbed face-down into my sheepskin rug, another one witnessed this forgiveness, and this surrendering to projected villainhood, and saw in it the 28th Gift of Totality.

This happens on medicine journeys. One Key will invite me into a deep exploration, and gift me understandings and connections I hadn’t yet made.

The 28th Gene Key moves from the Shadow of Purposelessness to the Gift of Totality to the Siddhi of Immortality. In my forgiving, the Purposelessness of pariah-hood was transmuted into Totality, as I expanded my definition of love and friendship and community to include this social ejection, and all the ugliness surrounding it.

The forgiving was showing me me that real love doesn’t flee just because it’s being miscast in the worst possible light. Real love says, Okay, you’re confused, and this is how your confusion is playing itself out right now, and I love you enough to play this role in your myth, because love is infinitely bigger and more powerful than the mind control that has you forgetting your humanity, and how to honor me and our relationship.

It was a beautiful lesson, and my heart feels infinitely lighter on this end of it. Yay for double heroic doses, and the myriad miracles and illuminations it brought me.

Have you had any experience with high dose mushroom journeys? I’d love to hear about it. Message me here to dish on all the freaky-deakiness.